On a Good Decision

I am not sure if I have written about this in the past, but before my wife and I were married I was trying to decide whether or not it was the right decision to marry her. I was on a plane to visit her and her family in Mississippi. We had been together for roughly a year. I had to make a decision--do we take the next step? Do we get married? I couldn’t make up my mind, so I did what all normal people do when they try to make a decision--I made a pros and cons list. 

Every time I tell this story, people laugh. It’s ridiculous and probably the stupidest thing I have ever done. Don't worry though--my wife still loves me and we're doing great. 

I only bring this up because I wanted to write on what I learned when I made the best decision of my life. If you know me and my wife, you know I made a really really good decision. Sadly, the well written pros/cons list didn't help at all. It was a waste of time that cost me my credible reputation as a loving husband (and telling the story to my youth group teens made them laugh in my face). I am now scarred.

The reason people laugh when they hear this story is because they know intuitively what I did not know on that plane. They knew that even the bests pros-cons list cannot possibly illuminate all the possible future effects of a decision and make it simpler to make said decision in the present. There are simply too many factors in the present and future that we just can't take into consideration. It's kinda funny--people laugh when they hear this because they are recounting their souls' interior sensibility and knowledge that we cannot do any good without God. (Hey, there is a Bible passage that says that! John 15:5)

The other weekend we heard the story of Solomon: a wise king who asked God for wisdom to govern his people. It says:

¹⁰ The Lord was pleased by Solomon’s request. ¹¹ So God said to him: Because you asked for this—you did not ask for a long life for yourself, nor for riches, nor for the life of your enemies—but you asked for discernment to know what is right— ¹² I now do as you request.^[1]  (1 Kings 3:10-15)

Solomon was just like us; he didn't know how to govern his people rightly, with justice, love, mercy, as God wanted him to. 

He did do not have the tools to make an informed decision on what was best for his people, but that was ok because he relied on God to help him rule justly. Just like with Solomon, God can see the best path for us. 

The question I very frequently hear is, "Can an all powerful God love every person on this planet?!" To answer this we just to need to look at the countless lives that Jesus personally took interest in. Jesus healed the leper (Mark 1:40-42), healed the man with the withered hand (Mark 3:1-6), healed a Roman soldiers' servant (Matthew 8:5-15), and did countless other healings for different people in different circumstances all throughout the Bible. The last one I want to mention is when Jesus healed the paralytic and forgave his sins (Mark 2:9-12). I believe this is the most beautiful healing in the Bible that illustrates how Jesus loves us. This man comes to Jesus, telling him that if Jesus desires to heal him he can. In a way, this is the same question we struggle with. This man didn't have to ask if Jesus had the power to heal him and we don't either. We know God is all powerful. The remaining question then is--does Jesus love everyone of us? In each of the healings that took place in the Bible we are supposed to hear the resounding answer to this question.

If we do not rely on Jesus, life will be hard. We will constantly question ourselves. Asking over and over, am I where I am meant to be? How can I know for sure that I made the right choice? How about you start from the beginning. God loves you. Because God loves you, you can safely assume that He wants you to become the best version of yourself and is invested in you. He will guide you.

It is very difficult to make a wrong decision if it is made in prayer with God. I would dare say it is impossible, but I don't want to be a heretic. God never forsakes us and all things work together for those who love God.

“We know that all things work for good for those who love God,* who are called according to his purpose.^[1]” (Romans 8:28)

This passage is often translated as, “We know that God makes everything work for good for those who love God.…” God gives us direction. God leads us.  If you want to make the right choice, love God and the rest will make sense. You will know where you are meant to be and what you are meant to do. God's personal love and interest in us is what should bring us endless streams of hope as christians. Actually, that is a great title for my next blog... Hmmm...

*Special thanks to http://joyreactor.com/post/466544 for the 1st image and http://sanitaryum.com/tag/funnypics/page/2/ for the 2nd image.*

On a Wise Choice

I have to admit, I never thought much of Casting Crowns. It was one of my Dad's favorite bands. I remember him calling me upstairs to listen to them on several occasions. I was listening to Pandora today, and the song, "If We Ever Needed You,"  came on. I was reading the Catechism at the time, about our call to be Christian and how the apostles first started their mission (see Mark 16:20).

It made me remember a conversation I had with a good friend back my senior year of college. My friend asked what the difference was between living a Christian life and not. My answer should've been, "When there is a christian preaching the gospel of God, you will know God is there because of the signs that will necessarily follow." I knew this then, but I didn't know how to articulate it. When you are doing what God asks you to, you can better see him around you in the small things. Especially in subtle coincidences and in answered prayers.

One reason we fall from God is because we have some kind of doubt that we feel needs to be settled. Or we have a sin that we can't let go of which can cause us to lose faith (because we justify our sin to ourselves). Doubt can arise from simply not looking toward God. I think everytime I am weak in my faith it is for that reason. I try to do things on my own. But if we search for God, we will find Him. Despite the simple nature of the previous statement, this search can be difficult. I was reading St. Augustine today and the intensity of his search for God through prayer struck me:

"...tell me of Thy compassion, O Lord my God, what Thou art to me. 'Say unto my soul, I am thy salvation.' So speak that I may hear. Behold, Lord, the ears of my heart are before Thee; open Thou them, and “say unto my soul, I am thy salvation.” (Confessions of St. Augustine)

I know I keep bringing up my Dad, but I feel it is relevant to this subject. The last thing my dad said to me before his first heart failure was, "David, do you look back in your life and find how God has worked in your life these past few years?" I smiled and turned back to him thinking he was being his overly contemplative self, and said " Yes! Are you kidding?" And I cited the reasons. There are too many to mention right now, but i will say meeting my fiance is one of them. 

I'm reminded of what Pope Benedict had to say on starting actions with prayer: "Whenever we pray together, where we receive God’s gifts with thankfulness, a new heart comes into being, which also changes us ourselves..." (God is Near Us: The Eucharist, the Heart of Life. Page 52). It is important for us to always remember God's gifts in order for us to be changed, and to have a "new heart".

Too often we forget God's gifts in our lives and become ungrateful. We become exactly like the Israelites fleeing from the persecution of the Pharaoh, who after being persecuted all of their lives by a ruling dictator (Satan), displace their anger upon the God who liberated them. They began to seek other means to overcome the pain they were experiencing, which involved seeking idles over God. They didn't realize that God Himself was there for them, and time and time again God revealed Himself to them. And yet, they required more to believe, as is the case with us. 

We don't realize that our sins have punishments despite the fact that they are forgiven. Or in terms of the graph below we become ungrateful as the gifts we are given pile up. But maybe the greatest punishment we receive is the consequential punishment of unrequited love. 

"What am I to Thee that Thou demandest my love, and unless I give it Thee art angry, and threatenest me with great sorrows? " (Confessions of St. Augustine)

Not to distort the order of things too much, but the above quote was what inspired this blog in the first place. This one quote reminds me of the brokenness I have seen around me. Everywhere I see brokenness I also see rejection of God. God is love, so those who reject Him are essentially casting themselves into sorrow. It's kind of sad really. Or in other cases, God comes secondarily to some other material object. That in mind, let me share with you this quote:

"We did what was right in our eyes, and now our children will pay the price." (Casting Crown, If We Ever Needed You)

Sin never only affects us. If you choose not to spread God's message to world, you're choosing to spread the message of another "god". Or as John Lenin put it, 

"You're gonna have to serve somebody/Well, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord/But you're gonna have to serve somebody."

Our sin directly affects everyone around us as well as God, which is a fact we often overlook. Our family, friends, and especially our future or present children. This is something that has helped me to put the proper weight to the seriousness of sin in life, and has helped me to continually battle against it.



Augustine of Hippo. (1886). The Confessions of St. Augustin J. G. Pilkington, Trans.). In P. Schaff (Ed.), A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of the Christian Church, First Series, Volume I: The Confessions and Letters of St. Augustin with a Sketch of His Life and Work (P. Schaff, Ed.) (46). Buffalo, NY: Christian Literature Company.

Hope in Death Part 3

On the Feast of the Assumption of Mary, the visiting priest at my parish asked me to think of ways that Mary had intervened during the past few years in my life. I came to the powerful realization that Mary has helped me very recently. I should, now that I think more about it, thank that priest for personally helping me to see Mary.

There is an unwritten and for some reason mostly unspoken rule of thumb in the spiritual world. If you pray with someone you will be closer to them. It's a very brief and to-the-point rule. Every time you go to God who is entirely Love, you pull down a piece of Him with you.

I would like to share one last piece of my Dad's death with you. When I got the call I raced down south from Northern Washington State. All I knew was my Dad was dying. It was serious. All I could think to myself was, God please let my Dad live long enough to receive last rites from a priest and for me to visit him one last time. 

Long story short I made it to the hospital. And waited for hours. Let me tell you this, there are two ways this story could have ended.

1.) No one prayed. We all sat and let our minds wander about how much we hoped our Dad didn't die. And then we would talk about video games, jobs, typical day stuff.  (This situation almost happened.)

2.) The opposite. Would the first option really be worthy to be called a "beautiful of death?"

Here is what happened. My family began talking about normal things. Then Lizzie, my fiance, helped me to start a rosary with my family. I could barely say the words. "...Holy Mary pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen." I thought to myself: 'How many times have I said those words with no meaning, only now to hope so much in them?'

=

My Brother Sam then lead us in a Divine Mercy Chaplet. My family never prayed together, and now they were being led by my youngest brother, the shiest person I know, in a sung version of the Divine Mercy Chaplet. Before we started I told my Brother, "Hey, Sam, keep it on the down low ok? Remember we're in a hospital." Then I realized as I was starting that there was no reason for him to keep quiet. And so Sam sang the Divine Mercy Chaplet with his beautiful voice which he attests is now officially better than Josh Groban's. (I believe him too... I mean if I could go to one mass with him and have someone not compliment his voice)

Anyways, I digress. I have told many people how Matthew, a firefighter-in-training friend, was at my brothers' house when my Dad had his initial heart failure. He performed CPR on my dad, which helped him live a little longer, just enough for everyone to see him again. I wanted to let those who thought to themselves, ok... so... your Dad lived just to die. That's no miracle--- know that it was.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states:

1014 

The Church encourages us to prepare ourselves for the hour of our death. In the ancient litany of the saints, for instance, she has us pray: "From a sudden and unforeseen death, deliver us, O Lord";⁵⁸⁸ to ask the Mother of God to intercede for us "at the hour of our death" in the Hail Mary; and to entrust ourselves to St. Joseph, the patron of a happy death.

The small things really help put things into perspective. We prayed to Mary and Matthew a trained firefighter just so happened to be spending the weekend at my brothers. This allowed my Dad to not have an unforeseen death. I would say it was the most beautiful death anyone could ask for in fact. If I could have Sam sing a divine mercy chaplet on my death bed, and know that my family was brought together in prayer from the process I would die a happy man.